I'm laying here typing this, even though I should be sleeping. The next week is going to be brutal - work open till 4 tomorrow, open till close Tuesday, and open till 3 on Christmas Eve (we're closing early, thank GOD), and then from there we have 6 Christmases in 5 days. OMG. I swear, it seems like we end up adding one every year. It's a lot of family time, a lot of stress, and a lot of work, but in the end, it's always worth it :)
Every year around this time, I like to take some personal time and just reflect about what I've accomplished in a years time, and where I was 365 days ago. It makes me take into account what I've done (or have put off), what I want to do (or put off again), and what I think I'll be doing when I do this again next year. Usually I feel like there's been some kind of personal growth, or at the very least, an attempt at it.
This year, as I sit and think back on 2008, I'm left wondering where all the time has gone. I just don't even recall all of the days - it's as if I blinked and it was over. I'm noticing that the older I get, the less time I spend just enjoying life, or appreciating the simple things. Instead, I'm constantly worried about how much my next paycheck is going to be, or what I'm going to have for dinner. Stupid things that don't matter have now become the staples of my day, highlighting every single portion of it. I tell myself that it's all just a part of growing up, and that after I finish college things can only get better. I've gotten to the point where I just don't believe myself anymore. Will they get better? I, along with everyone else, can be so quick to say 'things will get so much better once you graduate and get a good job,' but in all reality, nobody can forsee the future. Nobody can tell what will be.
I'm getting to the point in my life where I'm starting to think about my future. A lot. I can't tell you how hard my birthday was for me this year. 20. It was such a turning point for me. I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm two decades old. I decided that my 20's were going to be the best part of my life. I was going to make some big life changes and turn my life in a different direction. Who knew that every direction was exactly the same as the one before it. I'm now less than six months away from 21, one of, if not the most, exciting birthdays in a person's life. And you know what? I'm not any more excited for it than I was for 20. It's another year. Another year that I get to worry about how many days late the gas bill will be, or how I don't have enough hours at work. I'm over it.
I want to have fun. I want to meet someone. I can't take one more night of falling asleep with nobody to say goodnight to, one more afternoon of loneliness, one more Friday at home watching TV. I'm constantly obsessing with the way I look, convinced that if I looked like they do, I wouldn't be in this predicament. I'm constantly seeing everyone around me go through the ups and downs of committed relationships, and I can't stand it anymore. When is it my turn to have ups and downs? When will I get my chance to tell everyone about the sweet text message I got out of nowhere, or the night I spent cuddled up watching TV?
When do I get my turn?
12.06.2008
Where the F have I been?!
Hi gang! Sorry for the blog hiatus. What a week.
When we last met up, I still had two Thanksgiving dinners to attend. Last Saturday Lindsey and I ventured out in the snow to Granger to Aunt Sheila's. After eating my weight (and then some) in turkey & such the day before, the spread of homemade chili, potato soup, and little smokies was a very welcome change. We got a chance to see some of our extended family from Chicago and St. Louis that we just don't get to see enough of, so it was fun. We stayed till about 9:30, and noticed that the snow was still coming down. Since we had the furthest drive back home, we took off. The county highway we took between Granger and Minburn wasn't in the best shape, but by the time we hit 169 & 44, things were just fine. I should mention at this point that in order for us to get to Granger, there was a bit of a power struggle between my sister and I. I thought it would be best if I drove for three reasons. 1. I had a full tank of gas in my car, whilst Lindsey was on empty. 2. I am older (if only by 3 years) and have had a little more experience in snowy driving conditions. 3. I am a control freak and a backseat driver anyway, so why not let me just win? Of course, Lindsey ended up driving us. I met her after she got off work, left my car in town, and we left. Anyhow, on our way home, she dropped me off at my car, I got in and was driving behind her home. We get to the lake where the road conditions soured once again, and not 60 seconds later, I'm watching in horror as my poor baby sister veers off the road (at NO fault of her own, might I add) and her little blue Cavalier is careening into the trees. Her finally comes to a rest (after what seems like an eternity) and I could not get mine stopped fast enough, or so it seemed. I race over to find her in hysterics and shaken up, but otherwise uninjured. Her car, however is another story. The front passenger side is mangled with the side mirror about 5 yards behind the car, her front passenger door is unopenable (word?), and the front passenger window (sensing a pattern of impact yet) is broken out. Everywhere. Glass. Inside her purse (which we didn't find until two days later.) I get her into my car and we make it home. Jerry and I ventured back out to cover the window with a slab of cardboard since the snow was still coming down. So much for a quiet night. (Like there's ever one of those around my parents house anyway)
Sunday was a much better day. We headed over to Grandma's for TG #4 (the last supper, so to speak, and THANK GOD!) We mingle with the family and have a great time playing Catch Phrase (as evidenced by pictures on Mom's blog). We get home at about 10, when I realize that I don't have any desire to drive back to Ames tonight, so I'm postponing it until tomorrow. Which is exactly what I did. I left town at about 1 on Monday, and worked at 3.
The rest of the week was pretty fair to partly cloudy. Tuesday night Roomie's mom and stepdad came to town and took us out to eat at Applebee's (our fave) and came back to our house to help us put up our Christmas tree. Now, this is where I tell you about my tree. I bought it last year for $11 at the D.A.V. Thrift Store in East Des Moines. It is an adorable six foot tree, and it is my pride and joy. I don't know why, but it is my favorite piece of furniture. This year we decorated in purples and golds, along with mauve and copper as our "counterbalances." We used purple lights. I'll have to post pictures soon.
Now it's Saturday night and I am starting to feel better, thanks for asking. Oh, did I not mention I was sick? Yeah. Sick, starting at about 8 Friday night and not really letting up until now. I had to miss Roomie's Christmas party (sad face) so instead I came home to Panora to get babied. Tomorrow we'll decorate the tree here, and I'll head up to Ames afterwards. It's finals week, so we'll see if I get a chance to update you before I go on Christmas break.
Have a happy weekend, everyone!
cjk
When we last met up, I still had two Thanksgiving dinners to attend. Last Saturday Lindsey and I ventured out in the snow to Granger to Aunt Sheila's. After eating my weight (and then some) in turkey & such the day before, the spread of homemade chili, potato soup, and little smokies was a very welcome change. We got a chance to see some of our extended family from Chicago and St. Louis that we just don't get to see enough of, so it was fun. We stayed till about 9:30, and noticed that the snow was still coming down. Since we had the furthest drive back home, we took off. The county highway we took between Granger and Minburn wasn't in the best shape, but by the time we hit 169 & 44, things were just fine. I should mention at this point that in order for us to get to Granger, there was a bit of a power struggle between my sister and I. I thought it would be best if I drove for three reasons. 1. I had a full tank of gas in my car, whilst Lindsey was on empty. 2. I am older (if only by 3 years) and have had a little more experience in snowy driving conditions. 3. I am a control freak and a backseat driver anyway, so why not let me just win? Of course, Lindsey ended up driving us. I met her after she got off work, left my car in town, and we left. Anyhow, on our way home, she dropped me off at my car, I got in and was driving behind her home. We get to the lake where the road conditions soured once again, and not 60 seconds later, I'm watching in horror as my poor baby sister veers off the road (at NO fault of her own, might I add) and her little blue Cavalier is careening into the trees. Her finally comes to a rest (after what seems like an eternity) and I could not get mine stopped fast enough, or so it seemed. I race over to find her in hysterics and shaken up, but otherwise uninjured. Her car, however is another story. The front passenger side is mangled with the side mirror about 5 yards behind the car, her front passenger door is unopenable (word?), and the front passenger window (sensing a pattern of impact yet) is broken out. Everywhere. Glass. Inside her purse (which we didn't find until two days later.) I get her into my car and we make it home. Jerry and I ventured back out to cover the window with a slab of cardboard since the snow was still coming down. So much for a quiet night. (Like there's ever one of those around my parents house anyway)
Sunday was a much better day. We headed over to Grandma's for TG #4 (the last supper, so to speak, and THANK GOD!) We mingle with the family and have a great time playing Catch Phrase (as evidenced by pictures on Mom's blog). We get home at about 10, when I realize that I don't have any desire to drive back to Ames tonight, so I'm postponing it until tomorrow. Which is exactly what I did. I left town at about 1 on Monday, and worked at 3.
The rest of the week was pretty fair to partly cloudy. Tuesday night Roomie's mom and stepdad came to town and took us out to eat at Applebee's (our fave) and came back to our house to help us put up our Christmas tree. Now, this is where I tell you about my tree. I bought it last year for $11 at the D.A.V. Thrift Store in East Des Moines. It is an adorable six foot tree, and it is my pride and joy. I don't know why, but it is my favorite piece of furniture. This year we decorated in purples and golds, along with mauve and copper as our "counterbalances." We used purple lights. I'll have to post pictures soon.
Now it's Saturday night and I am starting to feel better, thanks for asking. Oh, did I not mention I was sick? Yeah. Sick, starting at about 8 Friday night and not really letting up until now. I had to miss Roomie's Christmas party (sad face) so instead I came home to Panora to get babied. Tomorrow we'll decorate the tree here, and I'll head up to Ames afterwards. It's finals week, so we'll see if I get a chance to update you before I go on Christmas break.
Have a happy weekend, everyone!
cjk
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
