A lot can happen in 15 days. A lot more can happen in 365.

I'm laying here typing this, even though I should be sleeping. The next week is going to be brutal - work open till 4 tomorrow, open till close Tuesday, and open till 3 on Christmas Eve (we're closing early, thank GOD), and then from there we have 6 Christmases in 5 days. OMG. I swear, it seems like we end up adding one every year. It's a lot of family time, a lot of stress, and a lot of work, but in the end, it's always worth it :)

Every year around this time, I like to take some personal time and just reflect about what I've accomplished in a years time, and where I was 365 days ago. It makes me take into account what I've done (or have put off), what I want to do (or put off again), and what I think I'll be doing when I do this again next year. Usually I feel like there's been some kind of personal growth, or at the very least, an attempt at it.

This year, as I sit and think back on 2008, I'm left wondering where all the time has gone. I just don't even recall all of the days - it's as if I blinked and it was over. I'm noticing that the older I get, the less time I spend just enjoying life, or appreciating the simple things. Instead, I'm constantly worried about how much my next paycheck is going to be, or what I'm going to have for dinner. Stupid things that don't matter have now become the staples of my day, highlighting every single portion of it. I tell myself that it's all just a part of growing up, and that after I finish college things can only get better. I've gotten to the point where I just don't believe myself anymore. Will they get better? I, along with everyone else, can be so quick to say 'things will get so much better once you graduate and get a good job,' but in all reality, nobody can forsee the future. Nobody can tell what will be.

I'm getting to the point in my life where I'm starting to think about my future. A lot. I can't tell you how hard my birthday was for me this year. 20. It was such a turning point for me. I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm two decades old. I decided that my 20's were going to be the best part of my life. I was going to make some big life changes and turn my life in a different direction. Who knew that every direction was exactly the same as the one before it. I'm now less than six months away from 21, one of, if not the most, exciting birthdays in a person's life. And you know what? I'm not any more excited for it than I was for 20. It's another year. Another year that I get to worry about how many days late the gas bill will be, or how I don't have enough hours at work. I'm over it.

I want to have fun. I want to meet someone. I can't take one more night of falling asleep with nobody to say goodnight to, one more afternoon of loneliness, one more Friday at home watching TV. I'm constantly obsessing with the way I look, convinced that if I looked like they do, I wouldn't be in this predicament. I'm constantly seeing everyone around me go through the ups and downs of committed relationships, and I can't stand it anymore. When is it my turn to have ups and downs? When will I get my chance to tell everyone about the sweet text message I got out of nowhere, or the night I spent cuddled up watching TV?

When do I get my turn?